A Bold Silence: Reflects A Posture of Humility

“A woman should be silent!”

I should probably place a disclaimer after using a sentence like that and explain my viewpoint real quick. So before you log off the website, hear me out, I am not a feminist. Never have been and respectfully, never can be. My worldview, rooted in the gospels, recognizes the value of leadership in both men and women of the Church. I am not here to argue my view, but to share a disclaimer after using the above sentence as an unashamed marketing tool— got you to read this, didn’t it?

And maybe it’s because some have actually inadvertently been asked to practice more silence and less volume. Tell me, do any of these sound familiar?

“Your voice is too loud for the environment, bring it down, will ya?”

“You seem to generate an intimidating aura and that tends to scare others, maybe tap into your more feministic side?”

“You’re just a really bold person, maybe leave some room for the others in the room?”

For some, these sentences might sound real familiar. And while I am not a “feminist”, I have enough common sense and recognize the stigmatic harm in someone using the phrase, practice silence, when speaking to a woman of faith. 

If you have no context as to why I am talking about a woman practicing silence, then I would suggest reading my first post entitled, “A Boldness in Silence”.

When I hear the term “silence” as a woman, my memory often recalls biblical scripture from 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 and 1 Timothy 2:11-12.

Here’s an example: “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

The patriarchal and reformation theology often see these scriptures as a command for women to be silent observers on a typical Sunday. Varying degrees are held, but these commands are either seen as “women shouldn’t be seen speaking on the platform” to the extreme “women shouldn’t speak in church”- period. 

I won’t explicitly argue against the entirety of the reformational theology on women in leadership. But from studies, commentaries, and pastoral leaders around the world; context and hermeneutics are relevant in the understanding of these pieces of scripture. My opinion in relation to being “silent” holds to the conviction that Paul was not “offering a universal prohibition in 1 Timothy 2” and 1 Corinthians 14, but rather Paul was referring to the “false teaching of women that had no understanding of Jewish religion and culture of modesty” (Harrison, Female Roles in Leadership and the Ideological Texture of 1 Timothy 2: 9-15). Access to education was rather scarce or unavailable to women of the Early Church. However, given that in modern times, women are able to receive college degrees ranging from a Bachelor’s to Ph.D, I think it is safe to say our knowledge of religious tradition, customs, and teachings has expanded.

The facts are that Paul had great respect for women in leadership, naming them in New Testament scripture; Phoebe (Romans 16:1), Priscilla (Romans 16:5), Junia (Romans 16:7), Chloe (1 Corinthians 1:11), Nympha (Colossians 4:15), and Apphia (Philemon 1:2).  

One such example, Priscilla was referred to by Paul as being highly regarded for her role in teaching theological understanding to Apollos. Although some theologians believe her role as a teacher was subservient to that of her husband and mentioned as more of a formality, scripture continues to suggest she played a rather prominent role in Apollo’s biblical understanding. Her name being written and mentioned before her husbands’ suggests that she was the more prominent teacher and minister; regarded and praised by Paul!

What’s the point of my sharing this? Because if a woman in the church were to hear critique in regards to her lack of “silence” then odds are she is going to recall these passages of scripture. From there her thoughts might continue to escalate, and subconsciously, she might begin to affirm her position in leadership!

Here is how I picture this, say there is someone in friendship with an independent woman of the church offering advice or critique, relating to the subject of “practicing silence”. Well, I imagine that woman's defensive shields might begin to raise up. And if she is certain on her stance and theology of women in leadership, the scriptures she has studied and knows by heart, reputable sources, will begin to process and download in her mind.

As the other continues to speak, her tongue will start stretching, ready with the fire of a thousand articles pointing to the necessary position of women in the Kingdom of God. Her face will be as neutral as a cucumber as her “friend” continues to admonish the importance of silence in leadership. She may wait patiently, but inside there will be a brewing spirit of ministering truth that will send this person into a holy spirit fire of repentance!

Now take a second and ask, is this posture justifiable?

After all, the woman is using theology and articles to prove her case and defend her position in the church!

But maybe it isn’t the choice to bring forth scholarly research, but the postural response of the woman’s heart. Her posture was set on defending her position of authority, affirming her leadership role, and all internally focused.

My question when it come’s to topics that are deemed “sensitive” or are in need of a “trigger warning”; does one’s defense speech excuse a posture of offense? Rather, does a person’s position on theology excuse their offensive posture?  

Many people hold various degrees of perspective and opinion when it comes to scripture. One might say it’s the reason for the church needing as many denominations as they have; because the church needs to split and create spaces for their community and their specific ideology of truth. After all, unity is reserved amongst the denominations only for those who hold the same set of characteristic beliefs and moralism. If you think like this, believe like this, pray like this, hold the same politics as this— well then, that’s where the true church body dwells, right?

I don’t believe the church supports this mindset, but yet I reflect and find this is the type of “unity” the western American church models.

Here’s the thing, the body of Christ is vast, wider than many might imagine! Do you really think Jesus will deny entry to a woman who did not cover her head while in service? We take the scriptures and dissect their origins, but then forget to digest and marinate in the transformative power of God’s word. Our eyes read, but our flesh isn’t satiated and our spirit is left longing to be filled. We may be more knowledgeable in the Word, but our heart isn’t any more transformed to look like Jesus as it was before.

People are not always going to think like you and there will be challenges, or Lord forbid, a critique! In the next part of the series, I will be discussing more on the topic of critique. But take a moment and reflect on a moment where someone from your past might have criticized your identity or leadership skills. Maybe the discussion turned heated and hurtful words were exchanged. Think back to the incident and ask, what was the posture of my heart?

For myself, it wasn’t necessarily the topic of woman needing to “practice silence” which offended me so greatly. Rather, it was their critique insinuating I was ‘too much’. I was being 'too bold’ as a student and in an attempt to defend myself, I fired back! 

But allow me to challenge myself in this situation, what was I actually defending? The critique or my offense? 

The reality is there will be moments where you find yourself blindsided by the scrutiny, criticism, or prejudice of others. And it won’t be the need for having that last word or loudest voice, which will claim victory. If you think otherwise? Take a look at Jesus. The posture of Jesus’s heart is first and foremost, one of a servant.

“Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:41).

Jesus had the best one liners and mic drops of anybody that has ever walked this Earth. He was perfect in every word He spoke, every confrontation He faced, and in every response He gave in the midst of criticism and scrutiny. But y’all, this is Jesus we are talking about! Humans are imperfect beings in need of a perfect Savior, which means in the face of any opposition or in any argument, we are still going to need Jesus’ help! This need to have the final word, in every argument, might not be the answer we are looking for, if our hearts are fixated on defending our offense.

A heart that is offended tends to harbor anger, resentment, hurt, or pain. In other words, it is unyielding and hard to break through.

Proverbs 18:19 says, “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bar.”

Furthermore, the word also states, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

Oh, I know for a fact I still fail at this little piece of wisdom. If a wise person yields patience above offense, then why do we tend to justify our offensive posture? Individualism and the importance of one’s voice has been scaled to a rather national level. The value of “your voice” being heard has shifted western culture and the posture of younger generations. And let me affirm that you will come across moments where flipping tables will be needed! But then you will encounter others where holding room for silence and practicing patience will ultimately claim the victory, and yet cost the most.

Jesus, in everything He did, resonated a heart’s posture of humility. He did not come here to be served, but to serve, by fulfilling the Heavenly and prophesied assignment of laying down His life for the salvation of all.

When I reflect on the posture of my heart during the exchange with my Assistant Campus Pastor, I can say my heart was deeply offended. One little critique had the ability to ignite a righteous anger that sought to defend my vocation and point out the flaws in their perception of my character. It was through a narrow vision which was tunneled through a perspective of “me, me, me” that I needed to affirm my position of leadership and defend my offense.

Because obviously, they were wrong. Obviously, my boldness is the characteristic of a person on fire for the Lord. Obviously, I offer value to the role through creative vision. Obviously, I am justified for my righteous anger because they attacked my gifts and leadership capabilities.

Hear the sarcasm again? How wrong I was, because the posture of my heart happened to be more concerned with defending my offense than hearing the matters of the other’s heart.

For today, how I wish to serve you, the reader, is imparting application which sees the practice of a bold silence as beginning with a daily check in our heart’s posture.

1 Peter 3: 15, “"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do so with gentleness and reverence." 

Practicing silence means there is a willing desire to listen and this ultimately begins in our hearts. In all things, our hearts must honor Christ the Lord as holy and when making a defense to anyone for the account of hope that is in you, do so with gentleness and reverence!

If you know you are about to enter into an emotional or confrontational discussion, don’t just rush in like a bulldozer. Remember, arguments separate friends like a barred gate. So before you enter into a confrontational discussion, check your heart and ask yourself, how am I feeling as of this moment? Am I already exhibiting signs of anger? Are my thoughts anxious and fearful? Am I thinking of ways to counter-argue possibilities? Are you imagining yourself walking away from the conversation as the “victor”?

It might be funny, but desiring to see yourself as the ‘victor’ insinuates you were already envisioning a battle from the beginning.

On another note, sometimes conflict can blindside us. It can come up out of nowhere and criticism can elevate our blood pressure, sometimes before we have even clocked in for our full day’s shift! But even in the midst of the surprise, our hearts must be ready to reflect Christ the Lord.

So, what has the posture of your heart been this week:

1. Have you been facing various degrees of critique?

2. Are you quick to make assumptions and defend your position before properly hearing out the heart of the other individual?

3. Has something been said to you within the past few weeks, months, or even year and led you to harbor feelings of offense and hurt?

4. Is pain from an offense leading you to believe you need to overcompensate for any personal shortcomings, or lack of experience, or beauty, or nature?

The word says you were beautifully and wonderfully made by God. This means no form of criticism or social expectation can remove God’s intended purpose for your life. More to that, you were uniquely designed within His hands, and therefore means you are precious to Him.

This is my prayer today, that we may all lay down any past offenses, hurts, or pains inflicted by others, at the altar of God. He is the sovereign Healer and eases all anxieties. Our identity, confidence, and strength is found in Him. There is nothing we have to prove, nor is there any form of gratification which will sustain our purpose through that of humankind. But rather it is the sustainment of the Spirit which provides nourishment to our souls and quenches our thirst.

Our hearts need to bleed Jesus. But in order to for that to happen we must let Him in! With gentleness and reverence, come before the Lord and ask for a check in your heart before entering into a conversation. Come with a willingness to listen and be patient. Wait and hear the other person out before making rash judgements and defending your offended heart.

Next week, I will be posting on how a bold silence reflects discernment.

But for now, thank you for your time and finish this week reflecting a posture of humility in the face of challenges!